August 26, 2009

Dirty Little Secret

The songs on repeat! When it first came out I wore it out for myself just like THAT. But I came across it in a thinspo video. loll & it seemed so appropriate too haha. Anyways my fast yesterday went really well. I just had water. I remember I thought I was going to let myself have liquids in general besides water but I guess I forgot. Whateverrr the less the better. I was planning on fasting again today because of my horrrrrible binge on Monday but idk. I mean yesterdays fast pretty much did the trick and I'm about back to where I was so maybe I should just go ahead and start ABC today instead of fasting? idk i feel like a fast can only do me good but IDK hmm. Well we'll see how hungry I am today but I'm not super hungry right now. ughhh I couldn't sleep five minutes last night. After about 6:15 a.m. I gave up. I jumped in some sweatpants and went for a nice long walk. I'm probably gonna pass out later but I'm glad I got a mini-morning workout in cuz idk how much I can actually workout today anyways. But wish me luck on my fast/500 cal allowance todayy.

In other news... Im really pissed at something I came across yesterday. Go to and look up "Ana." The main reason I started this blog was because I'm (not really ashamed) but secretive of Ana. But who isn't? I'm not gonna run down the street admitting an eating disorder... and urban dictionary not only mocks, but criticizes anyone with Pro Ana ideas or blogs. It says we're not really Ana because we're telling everyone about it on our blogs when people with real anorexia aren't proud of it. HELLOO! Thats the fucking point of blogging. We're not so proud to go tell our friends and family about it so we turn to other with the same problem: nobody else understands or appreciates our quest to be thin. So there's really no point in bashing people who praise Ana. Those urban dictionary people are probably just a bunch of FAT FUCKS who don't give a fuck about their bodies so they bash people who do care to make themselves feel better. Kinda mean? Well I don't really care. It pissed me offf ! Haha but yeah just had to let that out... Anyways I'm gonna try to take a nap then decide if I wanna start ABC today or fast again. Wish me luck & stay strongg !

Yesterday: nothing
Today (so far) : nothing


**EDIT** : I guess I decided I was starting ABC today when I let myself have a rice cake just now. Quakers 'Lightly Salted' - 30 cals. Oh and I looked up the nutrition facts for my trigger food: the infamous chipotle. I know... sick right? Well it was hell having my family sit around me with theirs last night while I stayed eyes locked on the computer as if I would fail myself by just looking at it.. I love that my dad doesn't hover. I mean he didn't really question the fact that I "wasn't in the mood" for my absolute favorite mexican food on the planet. In fact, its horrible that my urge wasn't because I was actually hungry at all. It was because I just loved Chipotle. I miss the flavor. But I remembered that Ana doesn't restrict any certain foods; She just wants us to eat in smaller proportions and stay under the calorie limit for the day. So yeah, like I said, I looked up the nutrition information of my typical chipotle and its only like 560 calories. And considering that I never eat more than half of it in one sitting, I can eat what I want and be at 280 ! Which means I can eat it and stay under my calorie limit probably a 400 or 500 calorie day. But obviously that would be my main meal for the day. But thats okay. And no need to tell me; Of course I know that, for me, its the easiest food to loose control with. Well I know I have to be extra careful so I was just putting it out there that I could eat it on a 500 calorie day, but I would probably really only have it on the 800 cal day of ABC just in case I get carried away. Damn I feel like a fatass just thinking about it but I was just putting it out there. In reality, all I've eaten today, like I meantioned, was just a rice cake :) only 30 cals too. Yesterday me and my sister went to the store and I got the rice cakes and a pack of 10 100 calorie popcorn snack packs that I'll prob have later. I would have on now (I mean I could easily stay under 500 calories for today at this rate) if only I didn't have the feeling that when my family gets back from our car appointment, they're gonna come back with MORE FOOD ! Sooo being the smarty that I am (lol), I'm gonna wait it out to see if I'm gonna be forced to eat with them and not have anymore calories to spare for the end of the daayy! Anyways thats all for now. I'll give my total food log at the end of the day :) Wish me luck. Later !


  1. i totally agree with u. god that pisses me off. i hate how ppl think its all for attention. its not. id give anything to be able to eat something and not feel awful about it.

  2. I never thought of that song in that way... My ex kinda ruined it for me when i realized the reason he loved that song so much was because he was cheating... But hmmm i might like it a little bit now.

    Great job with your fasting. Keep up the good work, you strong beauty you!

    Urban dictionary doesn't have a clue... Retards!

  3. oh good luck with ABC i couldn't do it. i'm not even gona try. i'd ruin it. idk, it's just a thing. like.. idk. i like to keep it under 100 cal if i ever eat.
    ps. i use my mom's stool softeners? i take like 3 and they clean me right out. and if you fast the next day it's like POOF you're tiny. i lost 4 lbs like that. in one night. but yeah, it comes in a bottle of like 400?!!! yeah. they're magic