September 14, 2009

Temptations, Laxatives & more Temptations

So today didn't really go as planned but it wasn't exactly a fail. I'm about to start cheering again soon so I'm gonna have to start eating a little more so I don't pass out as every practice. Im even thinking of doubling calorie amounts for each day of ABC.. maybe not quite that much but something more than what I'm eating right now because exercising combined with the few calories I eat a day are NOT enough for me to get by. Ana will lead the way. I normally just use her judgement went I don't exactly have a set calorie amount for the day and it usually works. Oh yeah so today I ate at school :/ not too much though just those cheese stick things and marinara sause. I'm going out for a long walk in a little though because it is WAY to hot outside to run so yeahh. But I did pop a laxative so I should be good by the end of the day. I took one last night because I overloaded on cheetos..... not a good idea. There was hell to pay at school today. NOT the best place to be when your laxatives start kicking in. They work but damnn do they hurt like a bitch ! So yeah I took one like an hour ago and hopefully they kick in before I fall asleep so I'm not running to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Anyways yeah so I had lunch at school and then I popped a lax then I had more cheetos and a bowl of cereal that will all hopefully be gone. I know I said I was going to continue ABC today but I dont like when I don't track calories especially when I use lax's (which Im not gonna use during the week anymore unless its an emergency !) so I'm not gonna count today and I'm staying under 100 calories tomorrow all day. Hopefully I wont be a fat pig and resist lunch. Thats why I hate when my mom puts money on my lunch number. Its sooo hard to resist food when you know you can buy it !! But I can do it. I know I can !

September 13, 2009

Making Some Changes

Heey guys. So heres the deal: I decided that I'm gonna alter my ABC plan just a little so that I follow loyally every five days then the weekends are for me to stay under 800 calories. Why? because I don't think I can handle all 50 days straight yet. I woke up Saturday morning with absolutely NO energy. I could barely walk into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. I felt like I was going to die ! It would be different if it was a 500 calorie day or something but I was only allowed 100 calories. To be honest, I could have done it but I felt like I was gonna pass out and I had a lot to that day, so its not like I binged. I knew what I was doing when I had breakfast. I had a single toaster strudel that blew all my calories for the day but I knew I needed more to survive. So I ate kinda normal that day but not insane. (Oh and btw I cut out soda and most meat out of my diet.. too many calories.) I feel like I failed Ana but I know she's still with me. She'll always be with me. So yeah this weekend was under 800 each day and tomorrow starts back with ABC that you can see posted on the left side bar. 100 calories and not a bite over. I will be skinny. Until then im sticking to ABC and on the weekends laxatives are my best friends. wish me luck and tell me what you think about my changes ?? Stay strong girls :) :)


ohh and I can definitely see the beautiful things Ana's done so far. Ribs are almost here !! Pictures sooon. Thanks Ana iloveyou

September 10, 2009


hey if you read my blog please don't forget to follow. I love the comments and support and the more the better so keep em coming ! i promise to comment back (: anyways i have a great story. yesterday I was counting up calorie my total calories for the day so far and I was at 250... pretty good for a 500 calorie day and it was like 8:00 at night. Anyways so without thinking whether I was really hungry or not I go to the kitchen to get a banana. So less than halfway through the banana I can't take it anymore ! I felt like such a fat ass eating it all alone in the kitchen. I wasn't even hungry.. I was thinking it was just the banana I wasn't in the mood for but looking around my kitchen for something else I realized I just didn't have a craving for anything. And to my amazement, I THREW THE BANANA AWAY ! that was the first time I'd ever thrown something away after I'd allowed myself to have the whole thing and even after I'd tasted it. After a certain point in ABC the hunger and craving just disappear. Now all today the only reason I ate was just to live. Food has been just nauseating to me recently and I like it (: yesterday I ended with a great 310 calories on a 500 calorie day. I was really happy ! Anyways hopefully I'll post again later but here's my food log for today so far.

Todays food log:
-2 pieces of gum & a mint...15 cals
-strawberry shortcake...160 cals

total: 175 calories

todays a 300 calorie day sooo i think I'm doing good for almost 6:00 pm ? but yeah thats all (:

ps. i think im gonna post some thinspo later for you guys & of course myselfff


September 9, 2009

ABC day two and second day of school :)

Okay so yesterday, besides starting ABC, it was also the first day of my junior my new school. I didn't mention this but just before summer I moved away from all my friends of 16 years ! I guess its not too bad considering that I only moved 20-30 minutes away but its still hard not being with all my really close friends like I'm used to and like I've done since elementary school. Yesterday was awful. I didn't know anyone and the only people that talked to me were perverted black guys that just wanted to fuck with the new girl. Grosss ! But I've always had great confidence so its not like it put me down or anything it was just annoying. I mean I met SOME girls in the locker room when the were assigning gym lockers but i forgot all their names and they're weren't in my class and I didn't see them for the rest of the day. Ugh fmlll ! but today was much much better. I've always hung out with the cheerleaders seeing as though I cheered at my old school. But I missed tryouts for my new school because I didn't even know which school I was going to for sure so I didn't bother asking. But there were three cheerleaders in my English class and one of them recognized me from facebook and her and her friends approached me and asked me if i was doing second tryouts... SECOND TRYOUTS !!! (: another shot to fit into a familiar group of people while doing something I love. It was a dream come true. So my moms gonna call the head coach in a little bit and set up an tryout date for me and my sister :) YAYAY ! anyways I was so happy when they asked me to sit with them at lunch and we just hit it off. We walked to the next class together and everything :) pretty good for just a second day huuuh? (: anyways enough about my social life... ABC day one went great and today is going as planned with a total of only 85 calories so far and its already 4:30 pm ! yess ! heres a list of what I had yesterday (since I didn't have a chance to post) and today so far.

Yesterday's food log: allowance – 500 calories

- coffee...35 cals

- spinach...30 cals

- popcorn...75 cals

- banana...120 cals

- toaster strudel...190 cals

- Xtreme airheads roll...25 cals

total: 475 calories (:

Today's food log so far: allowance – 500 calories

- 2 pieces of gum...10 cals

- popcorn...80 cals

- strawberry shortcake ice cream...160 cals

total: 250 calories

So yeah I'm not even hungry so today will be a breeze :) tomorrows a 300 calorie day so it'll be a little more difficult but not by much. Anything for my perfect bod ! I can already see a changeee PICS LATER! stay strong beautiess !


September 7, 2009

I'm Back (: sorrrry

Hey guys. Sorry no posting in awhile :( I spent awhile at a friends house back in the old city where I used to live. Of course I couldn't control myself to stick to my diet while I was there. And it doesn't help that my friends mom cooks like 24/7 and all the do is EAT ! Anyways its not like I went crazy though. I know I stayed under 2000 calories everyday but school starts tomorrow and so does ABC. I'm really excited. So far all I've had today is a small bowl of cinnamon toast crunch, a couple flaming hot cheetos, a small glass of milk and a small glass of green tea. I'm really excited to start ABC tomorrow because I won't be just steps away from my kitchen all day and I'll be totally distracted throughout the day. The only downside is that my mother doesn't own a scale so until I can buy a personal one, I'll be posting pictures with my progress as often as possible. Anyways I'm back home so the posts will be pretty much daily again from now one. Stay strong my loves and THINK THIN ! you can do it (:


Todays food log:
-a small bowl of cereal
-a handfull of flaming hot cheetos
-a glass of milk
-a glass of green tea