December 26, 2009

Movies With The Boyfriend...... fail.

So I guess I did decent today. I really did try to fast. And I did for as long as I could. Til about 4 0' clock. My mom decided she wanted breakfast for dinner. Then, my sister overheard and being the nice person that I always am (and since neither of them ever do it) I cooked them I nice big meal after taking each of their orders. I swear my sister kills me in more ways than one.... after making her that nice big meal and bring it to her in MY room where she was using MY computer... all she said is "Oh My God ! This is so much food I know you dont expect me to eat this all" fuck her. So as I sit in my room after having controlled myself while making the food the whole time, she didn't touch it. I could smell it from across the room even with my head turned the opposite direction. Eventually it became virtually impossible for me to control my hand from swiping a slice of bacon from her untouched plate.. and another... and a piece of toast... or two... and some cheesy scrambled eggs... and juice. WTF but when I say I only had some I mean it. I tried to take only a taste of each thing so Im sure I stayed under 500 calories if not that. Then me and my boyfriend went to the movies tonight and he bought us popcorn and a drink which I had my fair share of... I'm just worried about the soda calories more than the popcorn because I know popcorn is very low on calories but hopefully under 1000 calssss. Idk but damn what I rant. So I had a great night with my stupid, junkfood-buying boyfriend but for some reason I'm suddenly in a super shitty mood. probably cuz Im not gonna see him til new yearsss eve :/ ugh so im gonna stop here hopefully i'll do better tomorrow which would put me in a greattt mood. The best part of my day was fasting until late afternoon which proves that I can definitely last a whole day. Shitttt being skinny is hard workkk ! Hahah but I guess no one ever said it was easy... but who cares. I'll do anythingggg to be at least 110-120 lbs or lessss! 20 lbs away lets goo ! (:

-livvvvvvvv ox

December 25, 2009

Might As Well Get Skinny Now Because Summers Coming Faster Than You Think ! [Bikinisss]

Alright so the fast didnt go as planned but i didnt lose control which is good. But I forgot how hard it was to get back into my eating pattern :/ why the hell does food have to taste so damn gooood. Its like it tastes better when I try to stay away from it. When its forbidden. But I am doing better. Each day is getting more easy. Hopefully (sooner than later) I'd be to the point where I can refuse anything for a whole and not end up binging the next. My record for ABC is day 6 ! Ugh and I remember how I screwed it up too. I was soo weak when I woke up I could barely walk or hold my morning cup of coffee. I was so scared I wasnt even thinking when I shoved as many calories as I could find into my mouth to make the dizziness go away. But I was honestly being a baby. It wasnt even that bad. Next time I'll just have to push through it. For some reason youtube thinspo is all it takes to get me back in the zone. It sucks though when I'm already in the kitchen on the edge about to binge when my laptop is ALL THE WAY upstairs and I cant reach it in timeeee :( haha but ill work on that.

New Plan: So instead of starting ABC today like I thought I would here then new idea. I'm obviously not ready yet so im gonna take a couple more days staying between 500-999 calories. Not 1000 ever! Quadruple digits just sounds fat to me.... so yeah im gonna stay around that range for a few more days then starting at the stroke of midnight January 1st (actually before then because I wanna try a saltwater flush? just to be clean and pure). Then I'm going vegetarian (for health purposes not because I'm wounded by the idea of animal slaughtering although I don't like it but thats a whole different story/issue loll. so don't bash me) I happen to know that cutting down or cutting out meat from your diet significantly reduces your fat intake. And then I'm gonna focus on meatless negative calorie foods....

Negative Calorie Vegetables
Beet Root
Hot Chili
Garden cress
Green Beans
Negative Calorie Fruits

Here's the website.. nothing special. Thought I'd give credit...

but yeah so those ^ foods and spicey foods are gonna be my lifeee. Uhmm thats it I don't really remember nor care about what I ate today so I'll post a legit food long tomorrrrow (: and it'll be great. Also, as I start to lose I'll start posting pictures frequently ! So excited to get skinnnny (:

And I almost forgot..


PS. I read something about wearing a beaded red bracelet in public to show your Ana/Mia/EDNOS support and possibly find others who share the same idea. Has anyone heard of it of actually do it?? Let me know please <3

December 23, 2009

New Start

How could I abandon this lifestyle. Ana was the only thing I had to myself. It was my dirty little secret that no one else knew and only I controlled. I forgot how good it felt to be so in control. Everyone, especially my parents, find ways to try to control me in every aspect of my life. Where I go and what I do and who I can hang out with... its so frustrating. And even though what I eat doesnt seem like that big of a deal.. it is to me. I can't explain it. For example: I've been experimenting with cutting recently and although its a little painful at first, I start to like it. And its not like I have to make myself bleed to make myself happy but just the fact that I can control the pain excites me. And looking at the faint scratches later makes me smile :) i know its sick but again its a little secret that puts me at ease.

Anywaysssssssss today wasnt that bad for cutting back from my gluttony. But it wasnt very good. I didn't keep track of calories whatsoever so i'll just let you know what I had and hopefully tomorrows food log will look better than todays :/...

Today's Food Log:
- 1 brownie
- 1/4 cup of fresh tuna
- a taquito
- 4 pizza rolls
- handful of chips

I know that sounds bad because its basically all junk food but I really did try to take lesser portions of each but I know its too much and I'm really cutting back from now on. Um so heres how tomorrows gonna work.. I have it set in my mind that I wanna fast but since I know thats not gonna happen, whatever I eat will be in the smallest portion possible and I'm gonna try not to have so much of a variety like today. I'm gonna pick healthy foods that are low in calories and have as little as possible and I'll be sure to keep track of calories from now on. And if theres no nutrition information, then I'm gonna stay away from it. At least that will keep me more one track and get me back into habbit. No One Knows What I Would Do To Just Be Skinnnny ! I'm gonna do any and everything possible to be as skinny as my best friends. I have 2 best friends: one from my old school and one from my new school and they just happen to be the best thinspiration i've got! and they're always around me which is good so im forced to look at them. They're both perfectly thin but not like skeleton status you know. And since being thinner makes you look fairly taller it couldnt hurt me since im already super short :/. Damn now im ranting but yeah thats all... I wanna say i'll post tomorrow night-ish with what I had for the day but I know I'll probably get bored and post sometime during the day before my family comes over kkk:)

Love You Allllll :) And I miss lovely comments to commment onnn. keeps me THINspired<3


December 22, 2009

I Knew I'd Be Back... And So Did Ana

I can't even begin to put into words hoe guilty I feel for leaving Ana behind for MONTHS! What the hell is wrong with me?! Ugh I've turned into a FAT pig. Like fattt! Since we moved here in May we still haven't completely unpacked so my scale has yet to be found so I currently have no scale at my mothers house... great. I guess I'll just have to post pictures of my so-called progress along the way. Yupp, Thats Right! I'm back and hopefully with support from my followers and a big push from Ana I'll be thin in no time. I can't believe I was gone for so long!! So much has changed (im talking good changes so obviously we're not talking about my body anymore...) I now have a wonderful boyfriend :) who loves me for me. He's one of the many reasons I've come back to Ana I wanna be the PERFECT girlfriend and the way I look is a HUGE contribution. He always tells me "your so perfect blah blah blah your not fat babe" ARE YOU BLIND??! ugh godd i love him. anywaysss another thing thats happened is I finallllly lost my virginityyyy ! woohoo :) to him of course. Haha about two weeks ago. December 9th. A day I'll never forget. (: Im thinking 16 was a good year to lose it right? Lol and hmm my new schools kept me busy which is probably another reason I've neglected my blog for some time :/ but its all good I love my new schoollll. Wayyy better than my old school thats for sure. The people are so chilll and easy tto get along with :) so my social lifes great!

The only things I have to work on are my grades and, of course... my stupid body.. Its really soon to start ABC but I'll start it soon i promise. It's just, Im not used to cutting back yet so I'm gonna take a week or some to just cut down less and less until im ready to stick to less than 500 calories daily. Starting tomorrow I'm going back to posting my daily food log. Also, I think im done with food for the rest of the day so I'm gonna take time to dig through moving boxes in my basement for my fuckinggg scale !

I'm so happpy to be back! :) wish me luck. Haha (and although I'm definitely not one to talk..) STAY STRONG EVERYONE. with some hard work, a beautiful thin you is ahead for all of youu !

-oliviaaa ! xoxo